I can honestly say I hate my life.
Nothing is good. I’m not happy anymore. I’m just not.
I can’t deal with anything.
I’m so god damn alone. I’m depressed. I’m barely eating.
The one person who I thought I could talk to about everything, does not make me feel any better. He just doesn’t get it. My school is just so different. It’s completely stressful.
I’m freaking out because I can’t find anyone for this week and I have 8 more fucking weeks. I don’t want to do this anymore.
I don’t even want to tell him how I feel because it’s the same shit over and over and I know it pisses him off. I always feel so guilty. Everything in my life is my fault. I’m unhappy because of me. When I tell him I’m not sure when I’ll be home Saturday because I’m going to do homework he just automatically tells me “At least we have Friday.” I tell him all the things I have to do on Friday and he says “Good luck getting it done.” I say if I wait to see you after I finish my homework it wont be until dinner and his response “Okay as long as you get your work done.”
It’s like he doesn’t even care he wont see me. Even if he does care he doesn’t tell me. I wish he would. He doesn’t even tell me he misses me unless I mention it first.
I don’t know.
I’m just tired of being and feeling alone.
But I’ve made myself the way I am.
I’m just even the slightest bit tempted to not even see him at all tomorrow or saturday so who knows when I’ll see him.
Not like he would even care much because it doesn’t seem like it bothers him and if it did, he could at least tell me.